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Creating Successful Leaders

It’s easy to say yes. We naturally aim to please our co-workers and supervisors; we want to look good in the eyes of the company and get that raise or earn that promotion. But saying yes can be dangerous. If you say yes to everything—every assignment, every request, every invitation—you’ll end up stretching yourself too thin and you’ll possibly end up taking on work that isn’t in your sweet spot or doing things that go against your code of ethics.

Though I’m a proponent of trying new things and being agreeable, there are times when it is in your best interest to give a firm N-O. Here are three scenarios where saying “No” is the best course of action (accompanied by three strategies to pull it off):

1. You have too much on your plate.

If you feel your workload growing out of control and can tell the quality of your work is sharply declining, it’s time to say no. How to do it? The next time your project leader tries to assign you something new, do not immediately say yes. Arrange to meet one-on-one (it is much easier to reason with someone one-on-one than in a group) and lay out your reasons for not wanting to take on the project.

Be prepared. Make a spreadsheet that clearly displays the projects you are currently tackling and how much time you spend each day on each project. Also, come into the meeting with a counter-proposal in mind. If you know of someone else who might have the capacity (and desire) to take on the project, suggest that person to your project leader (be sure to get that individual’s approval ahead of time).

Alternatively, you could suggest a future date that would work for you to start the project (i.e. “I’m busy from now until the end of the May, but I could start working on this project in June.”)

2. You are being given work that is not in your “sweet spot.”

This is a tough one, but ultimately, if you are constantly handed work that does not align with your areas of expertise, you are doing both your company and yourself a disservice. Your company won’t receive the best possible work and you’ll be straying from your career goals.

So, how to say no? Again, a one-on-one meeting with your supervisor is helpful in this situation. Explain to her what your ultimate goals are and what kind of projects you prefer. One of the best things you can do in this situation is approach it with confidence and decisiveness. Know where you’d like to be heading and explain, confidently, how you’d like to get there.

Ultimately, if your company is not supportive of your career goals (or if you find that the type of work you do consistently does not align with your sweet spot), it is time to start searching for something new, either inside or outside your current company.

3. Saying yes compromises your values.

There are times when it just does not feel good to say yes. Perhaps you agree to attend a late-night strategy session, knowing that your daughter has a piano recital that night. Or perhaps a co-worker dumps several assignments on your lap that are really her responsibility, not yours. Or maybe you’ve had to sacrifice your health or nightly down-time because of all the projects you’ve agreed to do. Whatever the case, sometimes saying yes is simply not the right decision.

How to say no? First of all, know your priorities. Does your family come first? Your health? Your mental wellbeing? When one of the things that’s important in your life becomes compromised, it’s time to say no. Keep an open line of communication with your boss and let him know when you feel like work is tipping the scales of your work-life balance.

And another thing: think before you say yes. Always take a moment to pause, assess the situation, and make a deliberate decision. If that means waiting a day or two to mull over the pros and cons, so be it. Ultimately, you need to feel good about agreeing to do something before you say “yes.”

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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Few people “make it” in any profession or position without a little help. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us and receive support from the people around us–bosses, co-workers, and outside mentors. In my career, I have benefitted from several different “teachers,” who have lifted me up as I aimed to improve myself and my work. I didn’t take that for granted, and I’ve tried to also raise up others through mentoring.

Every job comes with its own set of challenges. If you’re lucky, you’ll start your position with a few contacts and some basic skills, but if can be difficult to distinguish yourself from a large pool of talent. Young professionals, in particular, do not have the benefit of having experienced an industry for a decade or two like their superiors. Mentoring others provides a unique opportunity to fill in the gaps for these workers and offers many rewarding benefits:  

1 . Better Outcomes and Relationships

Mentoring, like tutoring, is an interpersonal skill. When people feel their voice is heard and being encouraged to grow, they are much more likely to remain engaged with their work and voice concerns more confidently. Any time you can foster better feedback from your team, the stronger the team becomes.

2. Reputation

Building a reputation as a mentor in your industry can become a distinguishing part of your career. Often, companies seek to draw upper-talent from pools of candidates that are known in professional circles to be helpful leaders and actively collaborative. Mentoring your employees demonstrates both of these skills easily and clearly, particularly for mentors who’ve done so throughout their career. As the adage goes: “You get back what you put in.”

3. Professional Development

Just because someone can benefit from the guidance of a mentor doesn’t mean they’re without skills to bring to the table. New workers, especially young people, often come with the proficiencies or strategies needed to approach new technology or use new software. You can take advantage of the personal relationship you strike with your mentee to have them teach you how to effectively use these tools. You both walk away more competent.

4. Networking

Life is long and careers often take unexpected twists and turns. The analyst that started at your company five years ago may quickly rise in the ranks of the industry to a sector you’re interested in doing business with or simply learning more about. The more people you can foster a mentoring relationship with, the wider you cast your net across the next generation of leaders. These relationships may end up among the most important in your working life.

5. Personal Fulfillment

Any teacher can attest to this last benefit. Mentoring is an opportunity to open yourself to others whose perspective may be entirely different from your own. Learning from one another about subjects that extend beyond the scope of your job will enrich you personally and professionally.

Mentoring others is essential to bridging the gap between generations of workers. Stepping up to help guide colleagues through this process will not only reward your mentee and yourself, but your industry as a whole. So take a leap and share what you know!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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Overcoming Self-Criticism; a blog post by life coach Margaret Smith

If you’re reading this today, know that you are more than you realize. You are smarter, you shine brighter, and you touch more people’s lives than you know.

Far too often, we do not recognize our own self-worth. Many of us are our own worst critics. Even if we accomplish something great, we tend to pick apart our performance, looking at the blemishes instead of the bright spots. But what does this achieve? Sure, it’s helpful to learn from mistakes, but it is absolutely NOT helpful to put ourselves down, be overly critical, or tell ourselves we’re not good enough or capable enough.

An article by Psychology Today discusses our tendency to be tough on ourselves, saying, “Often we self-criticize on autopilot and need to wake up and realize the damage we are doing.” Absolutely.

Start paying attention to that little voice that tends to run through your head. Is it usually negative or self-deprecating? Do you often tell yourself that you can’t do something, or that you’re not accomplished enough to do something? Do you have difficulties accepting compliments or recognizing a job well done? I call this little negative voice your “gremlins,” those self-saboteurs that make you doubt yourself and your abilities.

How do you banish these gremlins? How can you become kinder and more forgiving to yourself?

This involves a fundamental change in perspective, and THAT does not happen overnight. If you’ve been putting yourself down for a long time, it’s going to take a while to lift yourself up. And you’ll probably have good days and bad days along the way–days when you feel confident and brilliant, and other days when your impostor syndrome is strong and you doubt yourself at every turn.

But this shift in perspective is not impossible. Try starting with any of these suggestions:

  • Remind yourself that no one is perfect (and holding that impossible standard is not healthy or realistic).
  • Recognize your achievements (Think about something you’ve accomplished recently and give yourself a pat on the back.)
  • Accept compliments (Simply say, “Thank you” instead of shrugging off the compliment.)
  • Treat yourself how you strive to treat others (Would you constantly criticize a friend? Would you repeatedly put down your co-workers? Probably not! So, don’t do this to yourself.)
  • Learn to let go (Everyone makes mistakes and it doesn’t help to fixate on them. To move on, try journaling about the situation, go on a long walk, talk about it with a trusted listener, throw yourself into a healthy distraction, such as painting, exercise, cooking, or whatever engages and energizes you.)
  • Stop comparing yourself with others. (People often put their best face forward, especially when it comes to social media. Stop comparing yourself to impossible standards and place your focus on self-growth and affirmation.)

Most of us would benefit from being a little kinder to ourselves. This isn’t an act of hubris, but an act of genuine care and compassion. Yes, we need to learn from our mistakes, but we do not need to beat ourselves up in the process. Be more forgiving and patient with yourself, and make a conscious effort to banish those gremlins. Your life will be better for it.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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